


Pain

by examsarecomingbutimprocrastinating



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Rain, Sleepless nights
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 23:47:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7128953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/examsarecomingbutimprocrastinating/pseuds/examsarecomingbutimprocrastinating
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi struggles with coping with the loss of Isabel and Farlan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pain

The biggest reason for Levi’s lack of sleep was because he was haunted and plagued by nightmares. Every time he’d allow himself the luxury of drifting into sleep, he would soon wake again covered in sweat and breathing heavily out of fear. Isabel and Farlan haunt his dreams years after their deaths, not a second goes by where he wishes they were still by his side. Farlan’s reliable presence, Isabel’s charismatic smile. He misses them so much that he knows, not feels, but knows the day he lost them was the day apart of himself died. Even with that said, he doesn’t blame Erwin. If he did , he wouldn’t have allowed himself to fall in love with the man. He wouldn’t have revelled in the feel of his arms around him, he wouldn’t leave lingering kisses on his shoulder at night when they lay together, he wouldn’t force himself to hold back or try to silence his tears late at night in fear he’d worry Erwin. 

Levi shared beds with Erwin most nights, but if he suspected it were to rain in the night he would avoid him all together. But sometimes, it would begin raining anyways regardless of Levi’s checking of the sky prior. Rain just pierced his heart and mind with memories of the day he lost Farlan and Isabel and without fail, tears would swell in his eyes. He had managed to hide this from Erwin as of yet, he feared he would just add to the mountain of guilt that Erwin already bore, he didn’t need more to deal with. So on an unfortunate night like tonight, Levi found himself in bed with Erwin, trying to silence his crying bordering sobbing somewhat silently as the older man lay asleep next to him. Erwin lay on his back with one arm under Levi’s neck, while Levi himself had his head resting on Erwin’s shoulder with his opposite arm thrown across his torso. It was comfortable and safe, or so Levi thought until lightning blinked followed by thunder clapping through the room. Levi responded with an automatic flinch, his hand tightening into a fist. Tears began to swell in his eyes, raw raw flashbacks of the only people he truly counted as family coming back to him.

"Mmm Lee?“ Erwin slurred, stirring in reaction to Levi’s sudden tense demeanour.

Inwardly cursing at himself, he relaxed his fist again and caressed Erwin’s torso in hopes to lull the man back to sleep.   
"Nothing, go back to sleep.” He whispered. 

With one motion, Erwin hummed his reply while pulling Levi even closer beside him, kissing him on the forehead. Once he had his defence lowered, which only really happened with Levi, you could no longer detect the cold commander, but just another human, with wants and needs. Another clap of thunder rolled on, all the while with the rain gradually becoming heavier. Levi couldn’t hold it back, tears flowed out of his eyes and onto Erwin’s shoulder. Hissing at himself, Levi prayed that the other man was back asleep. But pray, he wasn’t that lucky. Stirring back awake, Erwin opened his eyes to look down at Levi to see a whirlwind of emotion on his face. He sat up immediately, bringing Levi to sit up with him, concern etched throughout   
"Hey, what’s wrong?“ Levi turned his face into the Erwin’s shoulder in hopes of disappearing but ofcourse this was just wishful thinking. 

He unintentionally tightened the grip he had around Erwin’s waist as his tears began flowing more and more. Erwin sat in silence just holding Levi, letting him cry. The tears turned to sobs, and sobs turned to heaving breaths.   
"I’m sorry…” Levi breathed, looking down to the arm around Erwin’s waist.

"Is it Farlan and Isabel?“

His grip tightened even more.   
"How did you kn-”

"Because I know you. You never leave your guard up with me unless it’s raining.“ Erwin turned his head to kiss Levi’s forehead. 

Levi then exhaled a breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding in.  
"I’m sorry..I shou-” Levi was cut off by another wave of grief, Erwin reacting in tow just holding Levi tighter with his one arm giving him repeated kisses on his forehead, willing the pain to go away. 

But that’s not how pain works, pain slithers it’s way into everyone’s lives one way or another. 

"Don’t put your guard up with me, I don’t know why you’re even with me in the first place. It’s my fau-“

"Don’t you dare say that.” Levi spat between sobs. “It is not your fault and you know it, hearing a sentence like that just hurts. Please just do-”

"Okay okay, shh. It’s alright.“ Erwin soothed as sobs wracked the smaller man again. 

They stayed like this for a while, Erwin soothing Levi with comforting brushes of his hand against Levi’s arm, Levi sobbing his heart out. After the sobs subsided, Levi spoke up. "I’m sorry.." 

"Stop that, you’ve done nothing wrong." 

Levi knew it was true, had anyone else broken down over who they lost, he would not blame them. Yet he can’t help but feel as though he had done something wrong despite his rational thinking.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment!
> 
> my tumblr is mynarutomind


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